Left For Dead - Or - Why The Republicans Let McCain Loose

As an avid horror fan and skeptic of Anonymous’ ability to behave itself, I had my doubts going into Left 4 Dead (or L4D as the young people say these days). Needless to say I was there when VOIP became a part of the online gaming experience, and I was welcomed with rampant teabagging and 12 year olds singing into their mic. Needless to say when it comes time to thrust myself into a horde of undead with three other strangers I had my doubts.

I am shocked that it works so well. Left Four Dead relies on that age old law of any group of people, social Darwinism. My associate Ben enlightened me, he reminded me that if someone is a stupid dick and wanders off to get killed, then they had what was coming to them. This is true, after several games it has remained true, which is fantastic. Isn't that the way it is in those cheesy horror flicks? I think it works well.

Griefers though, those sneaky bastards and champions of the teamkill on any server that has friendly fire turned on, what about those? Well you can only take so many hits, if team killing starts it will be finished when your fellow survivors reciprocate, or simply just let a Hunter do the job for you. After an exceptionally stupid person kept crossing into people’s firing arc we just stopped healing them, and made them our lowest priority. The Director only gives us so much HP, why waste it on them?

All in all, this has been a fantastic experience right out of the zombie movies I have always loved. In one scenario I found myself swarmed, the helicopter only feet away telling my compatriots to go on without me, to live their lives! Naturally they accepted such terms, and flew away leaving me to watch my grizzly death as hordes of infected beat me into a fine mist of pixels.

All in all, the mere fact that it’s a coop game that relies on people cooperating and punishes the mavericks in the world balances everything naturally. Just like those classic horror movies if you go off alone you will die. Moments designed by the “AI Director” are not only suspenseful but make you think in new ways to get through situations. Many times though it becomes more of a Hollywood simulation and less of a Zombie flick as you realize you clearly didn’t suck enough of the Director’s cock to get where you are. This usually results in the Director thinking you are doing too well and you will simply be repeatedly raped by hordes of dead for your lack of oral generosity to the omnipresent AI.